April 2011

Dude is worried about Little Man’s speech. He is very concerned that it is not at the level where a 20-month-old should be. I’m not really sure if I should be worried or not. He says words–about 10 to 15 with consistency–but he’s not speaking in sentences and the only “new” word of late is rock.

I keep wondering at what point do you call Early Intervention? My pediatrician’s office is great and I am going to speak with the doctor to discuss this before “jumping the gun” or panicking. And you keep being told, as a mother, not to compare your child to others. But I don’t see how you CAN’T compare. I take Little Man to The Little Gym on Sunday mornings and while he IS the youngest in his class (Beasts: 19 months – 2-1/2 years), it seems at times that he’s the only child NOT participating in the “circle” time and he’s too busy exploring. But then he DOES come and run with the group and he climbed right onto the parachute last week, so he’s improving. Maybe he just needs time.

I think Dude worries too much sometimes. And I think HE thinks I’m too Laissez Faire about milestones. I don’t think I am. Usually I’M considered to be the frantic one. But I keep thinking that Little Man is progressing as he should. He’s a toddler. He’s still a baby in many ways. And he may just need time to get there. Right?

Heck, Little Man didn’t walk until the day before 15 months. That wasn’t a delay, but it was later than some children. (Though Dude didn’t walk until 18 months and I was 17 months.) And I was told by my MIL that Dude didn’t talk until he was 2. Neither did my brother. Nor my one cousin. So 20 months and only saying a handful of words isn’t TOO odd.

I know that Little Man understands a LOT and hopefully he’ll ease our fears shortly. I guess I can’t help but worry a little, he’s my first child. My only child. I want him to be where he should be. Not “perfect” but at the right level.

My blog post yesterday about the woman who drove her car into the Hudson River was written prior to more information about this tragedy. Here’s an updated article about it (as of April 14th at 10:30 am).

I made assumptions about this woman without knowing the full story. Though my initial reaction of horror remains. Because I cannot imagine murdering my children, no matter how distraught I may be. But I am lucky in having the support of a loving family. I know that, if I ever needed them, they’d be there for me. My aunts and uncles, too, even though my relationship with them has been damaged due to my brother’s interactions with them. They love me, but because I live with my brother, I don’t see or speak to them as often as I would had had I not moved in with my family.

People make assumptions all the time. About how well off one may be. About others’ lives. And there is that saying about making assumptions: Never assume, for it makes an ASS out of U and ME.

I’m going to try to teach Little Man to make decisions based on fact. Or, at the very least, to be willing to let his mind be changed. But I want him to be true to himself as well. Teaching him to be able to find a balance will be my true job as a parent.

So those are my thoughts today. And I also still tend to track monthly milestones as today Little Man is 20 months old. In just 4 more months, he’ll turn 2. And over the next 30 days I plan to keep an eye (or ear) on his speech. His pediatrician said if he wasn’t speaking in 2 word sentences by 21 months to make an appointment to discuss his speech. I don’t want to ASSUME he’ll need Early Intervention, but I also don’t want to dismiss it. Hopefully he’s on track and will catch up. I guess we’ll see.

After years of longing to be a mother–thinking I’d never get married or have that child I’d always dreamed of–I cannot even fathom harming a hair on his head. Of course there are moments when Little Man’s extreme tantrums drive me to yell at him and feel quite frustrated. But when I have those moments of human frailty, I will safely deposit Little Man in his crib and walk away for a moment to catch my breath. And if I yell at him, I apologize for losing my temper. But to even consider harming him… it makes me sick.

Today I read about a New York State woman who drowned 3 of her 4 children, only sparing her 10-year-old son. The story link is here: New York Mother Drives Minivan Into Hudson River, Killing 3 Kids and Self I cannot understand being so depressed (which is my assumption, PPD) that the only solution a woman finds is to drown herself and her children. I understand suicidal thoughts but not murderous ones–especially when at one’s own children. But my bout of the baby blues was relatively mild, once I’d decided to formula feed. And I was worried about Postpartum Depression, because I’ve battled depression in the past.

But I think there must be something more to this. Why drowning? Is it biblical in a manner that I cannot understand, as my faith is different? Several women have done this. Susan Smith. Andrea Yates. Even last year, there was a woman who did this (I’d have to Google to find out who/where). Now this NY woman. I cannot even imagine how her surviving son feels right now. My heart breaks for him.

So today I will spend my time with Little Man reminding myself how lucky I am to have him. I always knew that if I only had one child, I would have a son. And I do have this AMAZING son and I am so grateful for him and would do whatever I could to protect him–even from myself. Thankfully I never had to worry about that. Sadly there are children who do.