I’m sitting on the sofa, next to my husband and my sleeping dog and I think how much I love them both.  And it’s funny how I am not really discriminating. Casey is a dog.  But he is MY dog and my first “baby.”  He’s very annoying at times. Ever since I had Little Man, he’s been needy—even when I pay attention to him—and he’s acted out by stealing food and barking.  But I adore him and lately, watching him slow down, I realize how much my heart will ache when he is no longer with me.

Hopefully he’ll be around for a few more years.  I’d like Little Man to have memories of him.  Heck, I’d like Little Man to call him Casey and not just “Da Daw” (the dog).  But I do worry how it will affect him.  My friend’s daughter still feels the effect of losing her dog at a similar age (almost 3) and she is 5-1/2.  And I know I should get these thoughts out of my head since he IS healthy. But I guess I realize that I’ve had him for nearly 11 years now and he’s almost 12 years old.

I hate that I snap at my dog.  He’s a DOG.  He doesn’t know how annoying he can be when he’s underfoot or barking up a storm or nudging me for food.  I guess it’s because I’m under a lot of stress from caring for Little Man, trying to be a good wife and help out my parents. I lash out at the one being who TRULY loves me unconditionally.

I’m a dog person.  One day I’ll have another dog—because I can’t count my brother’s dogs (formerly my in-laws’ dogs)—that is MINE (and I guess my husband’s too) but for now Casey is my only furchild and I adore him.  I loved my husband’s late dog, who died when I was newly pregnant, and my heart broke for him when she died at the age of 15 (with him for the last 10 years). But for now I have to figure out how to just be calmer around mine since I do adore him.  He is such a sweet, fun dog—even if he IS neurotic.

He is.

But that’s another story.