Yesterday was July 4th and we have a friend who is a volunteer firefighter.  So Dude and I took Little Man to take a ride in a fire truck.  They sat in the front seat (I was in the cab) and they had a fantastic time. Dude mostly.  Men are just big boys, right? But I’m glad they had fun and it was a nice way to celebrate the 4th.  Here is Little Man wearing his new fireman’s hat!

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So after we left, around 11 am, Little Man fell asleep in the car!  We didn’t expect that, and Dude needed new sneakers so we were headed to the Reebok outlet nearby. So I stayed in the car with our son as my husband shopped for shoes. After about 35 minutes (including the time to the store), Little Man woke up. So we decided to have lunch at Panera before heading home. We had yogurt for the kiddo and we got stuff there.

After our meal, Dude was in the men’s room and Little Man turned bright red and started grunting. I knew EXACTLY what was happening. Oy vey!  He then started screaming in pain. So I got him out of the high chair and he finished pooping–or so I thought–on my lap.  Dude came back from the bathroom and I let him know that I had to change the boy.  So off I went, hoping for little or no struggle.

WARNING: GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION OF A MESSY DIAPER CHANGE AHEAD.

AGAIN, I WARNED YOU.

OK, HERE WE GO.

In the bathroom, the changing table was in the handicapped stall.  I got Little Man situated, putting a disposable pad under him, and I pulled off his shorts (left his shoes on) and opened the diaper to one of the biggest poops I’ve seen! He hadn’t pooped since Saturday, so I guess it was 2 days worth. It filled the diaper and was still coming out of his tush. As I pulled the diaper back, more poop came out.   I managed to wipe a lot away but still saw some poop just hanging there.  Like half in/half out of his tush.

I had to pull away the dirty diaper, because he began kicking and put his shoe IN some poop. Ack!  Got more wipes and put the dirty diaper and used wipes in a plastic bag (for used diapers, Munchkin brand). They he PEES all over himself and his clothing.  Starts SCREAMING!

So I’m trying to wipe him off and he then shits all over the table.

There is crap everywhere.  I had to wipe it off the table and him–and ME, since it was on my hands!  Then a wipe, with poop on it, fell on the floor!!!  Ack!

I’m not sure how I managed to get a clean diaper on him and bag his dirty clothes in another scented sack and also get most of the poop and his diaper in another. But I did.  And I tossed the refuse in a trash bin and tried to wash my hands, while my screaming toddler was attached to my hip.  Then I walked out, with my son only wearing a diaper and shoes, to tell the staff at Panera that they have a problem in their handicapped stall (ie. poop all over the changing station and the floor.) The woman doesn’t seem to understand, but I couldn’t linger and walked through the restaurant to where Dude was waiting.

“Take him!” is all I manage to say at first.

Then I shared with him, what I’ve just shared with you.  Dude helps me dress him in his “emergency outfit” and Little Man settles down and actually eats a bit more. I guess he had room, finally.

I use hand sanitizer to make up for whatever I missed during my futile attempt at washing my hands.  And then I have to pee. I am mortified and don’t want to go back to the bathroom. But I do.  And when I’m done–and have noticed the poop is still all over that stall–I let the manager know what happened.   Soooo embarrassed as I say it. But they’re nice and say they’ll take care of it.

We leave quickly.

So I’m not sure we’ll ever be welcome in the Panera on Route 202 in Flemington, NJ. Hopefully the other locations don’t know of my reputation.  Mom of the killer pooper.

Oh well, shit happens.

All over the place.

Yuck.

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